Miduhyo

Psalm 43:5

 

Why are you downcast, O my soul?       

   Why so disturbed within me?       

   Put your hope in God,       

   for I will yet praise him,       

   my Savior and my God.

 

so many unsettled thoughts and feelings within me.

i will trust in you because i believe in you.

 i will learn to delight myself in the Lord despite the ongoing noise in the surrounding.

God just want to be involve in my life..

 

Psalm 37:4

 

4 Delight yourself in the LORD       

         and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 

be the loudest voice in my life.

thank you God.

We Need You

10.45pm.

just finished watching channel 8 news and reading the news online.

many emotions and thoughts within me. wondering how should i settle..

 

Flood, Typhoons, deadly storms, earthquakes, Tsunami

as the victims struggle to respond to the devastation wrecked by all the disasters, as the death toll in the affected countries continued to increase, my heart really wonder what can i do for this fragile world.

 

we are blessed to be living in such a safe environment that we might not understand how does it feels to live life on the edge, how does it feels to have your homes destroyed, to be homeless, to always worry if you can live past tomorrow and to lose your loved ones in these disaster.

 

death is inevitable. people do not need to know how to prevent death but they need to know how can they have victory over death. they need to know the Name that overcome death and is the full life-giver.

 

The Name that is a shelter for the homeless.

The Name that is a Refuge for the Weak

The Name that can heal all lonely souls

The Name that is all powerful to conquer death and all impossibilities

The Name that can provide Hope.

The Name that loves them deeply to die for them….

The Name of Jesus..

 

what am i doing to bring this Name to people?

so much discontentment, so much burdens within me.

at this point when i can do nothing to the big world out there, i’ll start by being faithful with whatever that i can do now.

 

God, heal this broken world.

God, soften this harden world.

God, strengthen this fragile world.

God, help me to not focus on little petty things and see the bigger picture..

God, let me hear your heartbeat for your world.

 

God, use me more……………

Unstoppable

i was brought back to the reason why am i left behind on Earth..
i guess the many times when i felt lost and tired was because i lost track of that purpose.
i am reminded.

the Great Commission is more than a statement or memory verse.
it is a heart cry of the One who values people more than anything else.
it is a cry from the Heart that is so tender for people.
the Heart that longs for the coming back of His people
the Heart that forgives those that hurt Him so so much.
the Heart that is so compassionate
the Heart that beats so passionately for people
the Heart that is big enough for everyone…….

i had been selfish.. forgetting everything.
in this camp, i did not get the tears from breaking down and cry neither did i get the feeling of “woahwoahwoah”. instead i got a new heart, new mind..

i evaluated if any of my objectives were met. but i decided to forget it because what happens in the coming daysmonthsyears is what matters the most….

thankyou God.

since a looonnng time i blogged.
it was a time of messed up thoughts and emotions.
not sure what am i doing. didnt have any thing good to blog so i didnt.

well, picking up myself..
learning to be more grateful so that i’ll be more joyful..
learning to do the right thing instead of just trying harder.
learning to be child-like again.
learning to hear His whisper more.
learning to let Him take the wheel of my life again.
learning to love Him all over again..
learning to let go and let God………
yes, i am learning and i will learn..

this is the period of time when i discover how unlovable and ugly rachelfong is.. really.
she is really so not cute and is so ugly.
but there is this Person up there who is the most lovablecutebeautiful still choose to embrace her despite everything, still choose to protect her and trust her, still choose to give her a second chance again and again and again and again.

throughout this period, there are times when i am really so afraid that His Grace will not be enough for me, or when He could stand me no more and give up.. i am really so so so afraid.. but every morning when i wake or every night when i sleep, i can really feel the promise of His Grace to me once again.

thankyou, my dear God.
please continue to trust and believe in me..
i will do it… with you.

ps, i will try to be faithful to my blog from now onward ><

I will.

Let Your Grace be ever so abundance for me.

because without it, i will not have the strength to go on.

 

i know that there are many things i’ve got to let go.

i know that i am holding on to many things.

 

but let this time be a proof of my love for You.

 

i’m really not sure how much i’m able to do.

i’m really not sure whether i can do it.

but i am sure that You have to go through with me.

 

i want to really love You. You know.

 

mummy papa, cheer for me..

 

giving up seems like it is the easiest way out because i want to rest for a long long long time.

:(

disappointed. with myself

 

i have been angry recently. not with circumstances, not with the people.

i am angry with myself.

why am i like that? can i dont be like that? how come? 

what is wrong with you rachel fong?

 

i am a bad person.

 

i am not doing what i’m suppose to do but whatever i should not do, i do it all n do it super well.

stupid dumb silly evil bad deserves to die rachel.

 

if i can re-live 2008 n 2009, i promise i’ll live it differently. really.

 

God. i am still pulling up my collar.

perservere?

laptop died. been sleeping, reading, listening and thinking.
many things within me to settle, many time it is really so so so so tough
but something for sure is that i wont give up on Him because He has never ever given up

persevere.. but it is really hard

No Turning Back

friend: rach! look at all these photos. see! what have you missed out because of your church..
me: oh, haha.
friend: don’t you feel regret? your so call love for God make you lose sooo many things.
me: eh. haha.
me: no regrets (:
friend: i’m not asking you to leave your God or don’t serve him anymore. just saying that maybe you should not give your everything to him. think for yourself lah.
me: thanks so much for being so concern for me. i aprreciate it, really. but is not that God needs me but is that i need Him. you have been through my ups and downs, you know how much God means to me. and after everything, how could i just give a part of me to Him?

honestly, i dont think serving God is really that easy. the many times when i tired but i still need to carry on, the many times when i dont understand but i still have to obey. the many times when in this people ministry, people fail me again and again but i’ve got to still give my best to them. when they dont like me but still got to love them. the many times when even i keep failing myself but still have to pick myself up. all these strength come from Him.

i’m not a noble or extraordinary person. but i know the reasons i am giving my best. i know who is looking at me and reserving my rewards. i’m not a self-less and noble person. but just that i’m learning to ask God to be greater in me and lesser of me because i know without Him what kind of person i will be..

it is really not a sacrifice. after all that God had given, is giving and will give how can it be a sacrifice. not at all.

and a song that i just feel like singing,
I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
No turning back, no turning back.
No turning back, no turning back.

Though none go with me, still I will follow
Though none go with me, still I will follow
Though none go with me, still I will follow
No turning back, no turning back.
No turning back, no turning back.

The world behind me the cross before me;
The world behind me the cross before me;
The world behind me the cross before me;
No turning back, no turning back.
No turning back, no turning back.

Refuge

other than he times when my parents were in hospital. this is the first time i felt so much fear in my heart. i’m not sure God’s reason for allowing all these to happen but i’m quite certain He has His purpose. but i just wanna praise Him despite the happenings.

as i take to reflect what had happened and what will happen. i recalled in my memory that i asked this question to myself before. i’m really scared when i have to go through dangers alone but as long as someone is with me, im able to face it. and… God is always with me.. 

i am sure that God will protect me.

 4 Even though I walk 
       through the valley of the shadow of death,  
       I will fear no evil, 
       for you are with me; 
       your rod and your staff, 
       they comfort me.

God i know you are God and they are human. everything is under Your control. trust

visionvisionvison

i could not get to sleep.
my heart is stirring, my mind is working.

God keep touching my heart these few days with the importance of visionvisionvision.
what are the things that wrecked me and God?
what are the things that i could stand no more?
what are the things that cause me to rise up to leadership?
what are the things that compels me to do things?
what what what?

we human need something bigger/larger/higher/whoa-er than ourselves. if not, how meaningless will things be. we will drift into complacency and as we get complacent life gets meaningless.

ignite that fire God. i need it..

The World

i have a dream to tour around the world.
oh, mummy and i used to dream alot about touring the world.
many countries that i want to visit. many things i want to experience.

this is one of the place i want to experience life there.

Mongolia! simplicity.

Switzerland

Jiu Zai Guo. this place is heavenly and it really exist.

it is really nice. God really has got a pair of wonderful hand.

as i look at all these pictures i can only say.
in the midst of everything we are facing now, God;s creation is still wonderful and that God is still beautiful..

i used to travel alot with mummy. but i wouldnt mind traveling with God only next time:)

hmmm.

actually there are always really many thoughts on my mind.
i would choose to share it, blog it, keep quiet about it, journal it or forget it.

how to settle these overflooding thoughts… hmm.

i pray for a stronger heart, stronger mind and stronger body.
i need it.