Because we are all helpless humans.
Because we will need to get used to this.
Because those times lost will never be found.
Because life will always go on.

Because we need Him, more than anything.

Come on, rachel come on….

How I am always reminded of why I am left behind on Earth.

And i will continue on

Your Faithfulness

Woke up to a dream i dont know if is good or bad.
Bad was because I dreamt that my mum was in the hospital suffering.
Good was because I was with her once again and she is by my side

‘This dream feels real and, painful.
Woke up crying.
It hurts to see her suffering from illness.
It hurts to be reminded of the past again.
It hurts to wake up and realise she is no longer by my side. And the only way i can see her is through my dreams.

I wonder, when will we meet again.
I wonder, how will the reunion be like.
I will continue to live life courageously till we meet again.
And, I am reminded of God’s faithfulnes in my life.
He sees me through the seasons and He is always there.
How can I live without You God, really.

Mummy, I love you and I miss you.
I miss your voice.
I miss your touch,
I miss calling you mummy.

 

Life

Came to this world 20 years ago.

Thank you for this life that is given to me.

Walked through different paths.

I am thankful for mummy and papa for the years they were with me.

Time will not erase those memories and love you had given me.

And I am even more thankful that

God, you are with me throughout.

I know that i will not be able to go on without You.

 

我常常在想如果你们还在我的身边会是怎样。

我真的希望你们会回到我的身边。

我真的很努力的要好好生活。

请给我力量。

Mummy, this is the 5th birthday without you by my side, and I always wonder how will you celebrate with me if you are still around.

Can’t wait to reunite with you and papa.

 

God, i need your strength to go on.

You are all that I have.

Thank God for this life that was given to me.

Carry on

Somehow i’m back.
Mother’s Day is coming and I want to take some time to remember her. Read thru my past posts in 2006 onwards. Was reminded of the past again.
It hurts, as usual.

I miss them. I really really miss them.
I am still anticipating for the reunion for my family.
As time passes by, I realize the pain doesn’t lessen any bit.
Instead as I get further from the past, the longing actually get stronger.

Many times, I will close my eyes. Asking God if He can let all that happened be a dream.
But whenever I open my eyes, I know, rachel got to be stronger.

God, continue to sustain me.
I really really miss them.
Mummy and Papa.

hmm

My aunties went back to Vancouver last week.
Thank you aunties for coming over. Thanks for the warmth u guys have brought to me for the past few weeks. It means so much to  me.
at least i am reminded that..
I have a family..

been thinking about mummy and papa alot.
i really miss them.
i wonder how are they now. will they miss me?

gentle stream

mighty mountain

deep valley

dark alley

raging storm

whatever it may be, i need You.

let this heart find Your Peace again because she knows it can’t go on without You.

goodnight world.

tonight is coming to an end.

tmr will come.

and be stronger tmr, rachel.

Maybe

Wondering why am I in this page
Wondering why did I started to write in this page after so long
Wondering what do I want actually?

Maybe deep down I wish to share with someone
Maybe I want someone to know what is going through mu mind
Maybe I can’t handle this anymore

God, I need you more
More than anything..

what if….

recently, many “what if” has been questioning me.

what if i cannot do it?
what if i lose it?
what if i fail my exam again?
what if history repeats itself?
what if my dreams will never be fulfilled?
what if i cannot go back to the past?
what if i cannot go forward to the future?
what if i always stuck and remain at where i was?
what if everything i do cannot make it?
what if everything in my life fails me?
what if everyone in my life becomes stranger?
what if whatever i believe in becomes lies?
what if everything i hope for begin to be hopeless?
what if whatever that i am holding on come to nothingness….
what if i …
what if…. what if… what if …

honestly there are many many fears and insecurity within me.. of course many times i would tell myself to trust God to believe to have faith etc.. of course after doing that, i will feel better.. but all these questions will come popping again.. really but what if?

but i am also learning to surrender..
not about me but all about Him.
my life purpose is to give Him glory.
He is the Creator and
I am the creation.
I started from Him and i am His.
He knows what is best for Him..
as His creation, i should just flow with the Creator..
even if everything in my life fails me but His will in me is fulfilled, well it is hard, so be it!
haha, after typing down this whole chunk, the key word is LEARNING. i am still not there.
but God! remind me everyday and especially at times when the what if becomes true…

He is my Creator and I am His creation. what an important truth..

Miduhyo

Psalm 43:5

 

Why are you downcast, O my soul?       

   Why so disturbed within me?       

   Put your hope in God,       

   for I will yet praise him,       

   my Savior and my God.

 

so many unsettled thoughts and feelings within me.

i will trust in you because i believe in you.

 i will learn to delight myself in the Lord despite the ongoing noise in the surrounding.

God just want to be involve in my life..

 

Psalm 37:4

 

4 Delight yourself in the LORD       

         and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 

be the loudest voice in my life.

thank you God.

We Need You

10.45pm.

just finished watching channel 8 news and reading the news online.

many emotions and thoughts within me. wondering how should i settle..

 

Flood, Typhoons, deadly storms, earthquakes, Tsunami

as the victims struggle to respond to the devastation wrecked by all the disasters, as the death toll in the affected countries continued to increase, my heart really wonder what can i do for this fragile world.

 

we are blessed to be living in such a safe environment that we might not understand how does it feels to live life on the edge, how does it feels to have your homes destroyed, to be homeless, to always worry if you can live past tomorrow and to lose your loved ones in these disaster.

 

death is inevitable. people do not need to know how to prevent death but they need to know how can they have victory over death. they need to know the Name that overcome death and is the full life-giver.

 

The Name that is a shelter for the homeless.

The Name that is a Refuge for the Weak

The Name that can heal all lonely souls

The Name that is all powerful to conquer death and all impossibilities

The Name that can provide Hope.

The Name that loves them deeply to die for them….

The Name of Jesus..

 

what am i doing to bring this Name to people?

so much discontentment, so much burdens within me.

at this point when i can do nothing to the big world out there, i’ll start by being faithful with whatever that i can do now.

 

God, heal this broken world.

God, soften this harden world.

God, strengthen this fragile world.

God, help me to not focus on little petty things and see the bigger picture..

God, let me hear your heartbeat for your world.

 

God, use me more……………