Remember always.

 

So afraid that I will forget. 

So afraid that I will remember no more

So afraid that I will live life so used without both of you.

So afraid that I will be further and further away from both of you.

And I don’t want that to happen God.

 

So I need to always remember.

To always remember the pain

Read through my past blog entries and journal to remind me of  the pain

Because the pain shows that both of your existence in my life.

 

Mummy and papa, girlgirl loves both you.

So much.

 

 

 

Wonder.

An ongoing question that will never have an answer. 

How would my world be like if they are still around. 

 

I wonder, I imagine, I want. 

And I guess, only You can keep me going even with those countless questions and images going on in my head. 

Yet I will rejoice,

7 Though the fig tree does not bud
   and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
   and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
   and no cattle in the stalls,
¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
   I will be joyful in God my Savior.

 ¹⁹ The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
   he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
   he enables me to tread on the heights.

This verse was mentioned in Hope Sem today. And I was reminded how closely I held this verse to my heart years ago during those sessions of my life. How I always read this verse when I’m at her bedside.

How He brought me thru those times, how He is faithful thru all these years.
How can I not love You? How can I not have You in my life…                                                            You are forever in my life.

Those times.

Walked past many familiar places today.
But the familiar figures no longer around to complete the pictures.

Stood across the road of the stall we used to sell beehoon together as a family.
I saw mummy walking around talking to the people
I saw papa in the kitchen frying stuffs.
I saw the staffs that used to work for us.
I saw myself standing at the stall collecting money.
The images were so clear. It was as if things were still the same.
I walked down the path we took to go home each night after work.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
Everything seems to be the same, the buildings, the road, the sky, but actually everything changed when they left.
And I missed those times terribly.

It was tough, but it was the happiest period of my life.
Working hard with the 2 person I love the most.
有你们多好

I will work hard now to keep these memories, keep them close to me. 

Because we are all helpless humans.
Because we will need to get used to this.
Because those times lost will never be found.
Because life will always go on.

Because we need Him, more than anything.

Come on, rachel come on….

How I am always reminded of why I am left behind on Earth.

And i will continue on

Your Faithfulness

Woke up to a dream i dont know if is good or bad.
Bad was because I dreamt that my mum was in the hospital suffering.
Good was because I was with her once again and she is by my side

‘This dream feels real and, painful.
Woke up crying.
It hurts to see her suffering from illness.
It hurts to be reminded of the past again.
It hurts to wake up and realise she is no longer by my side. And the only way i can see her is through my dreams.

I wonder, when will we meet again.
I wonder, how will the reunion be like.
I will continue to live life courageously till we meet again.
And, I am reminded of God’s faithfulnes in my life.
He sees me through the seasons and He is always there.
How can I live without You God, really.

Mummy, I love you and I miss you.
I miss your voice.
I miss your touch,
I miss calling you mummy.